What the fuck!?! So about two weeks ago I was at Filter, a coffee house in Wicker Park, casually enjoying a smoothie and reading my book. Some freak walked up to my table and said something along the lines of “I live in a halfway house and have a curfew of 11pm but I was wondering if you would want to go dancing tonight?” I said no thanks and continued reading my book. About 5 minutes later he walked back up to me and said something along the lines of “Are you sure you don’t feel like dancing? It would be safe. I could ask my AA sponsor to come along.” I again said no thanks and went back to my book.
Seems like a harmless Freak Boy story, right? Well, that Wednesday I was out with Mark at Summer Dance and he and I were in our second hour of dancing when I spy Filter Freak Boy looking at me. I quickly filled Mark in on the story and he, thankfully, offered to move his body between my body and Freak boy’s body, to block the view.
Then on Sunday, I was waiting for Murry to arrive at “Rock Around the Block” but who should walk past me but Filter Freak Boy! Good God! This town isn’t big enough!!
So it got me thinking, perhaps it’s time to make some lists. So here goes:
Top 3 Stalkers in my life:
1) Poetry Man: although he brought about the founding of National Arrogance Day, his email boasting his “morning after eggs” still gives me chills.
2) Professor Creepy Pants: remember the Prof. in LA who would drunk dial me at 2 in the morning to discuss the inconsistencies in “The Passion of the Christ”?
3) Filter Freak Boy: although he is new, I see great stalker potential here. Running into him 3 times in less than 2 weeks, is too much in my book.
Top 3 Freaks that I just had to drop:
1) Camoflauge: we went on two dates over Thanksgiving and he moved to Chicago from New Jersey. Then he showed up at my apartment crying. Good lord. If I wanted to date a girl, I would be a lesbian.
2) Mateo: the boy had Sesame Street bedsheets. Why does the theater department produce such wackos?
3) Chad: Scientology. Enough said.
I wonder maybe I just attract strange men? But then I remember my friend’s dates (i.e. The Yapper, Ceiling Fan Man, and Sex House in San Fran) and smile fondly. Misery does love company.
5 comments:
per request: more nicknames of guys i have gone on dates with. (they rarely get past the third date, so i don't bother learning names. nicknames are just fine.)
Wardy, Fireman, Teacher, Boy Toy, Camoflauge/Triathlete/Bob Saget, dentist, Bartman, and Doc.
you're welcome.
let's not forget Brian Simkin's freak girlfriend in high school! she bought two lovely goldfish. named one of them "brian" and the other "simkin".
when brian dumped her, she brought the two dead goldfish to his locker the next morning at school. she had smashed them with a hammer.
oh - I got a good one - this guy I dated in college for a little bit, one time he was talking in his sleep and he says, "www.laine.com." I laughed out loud...
Laine reminded me about the doctor i dated a few years back. after about 2 months of dating he ended up on my sofa, curled in the fetal position, begging me to tell him everything will be ok.
i dumped him that next week.
the problem with dating doctors, i have learned, is unless they are drunks they usually can't handle the pressure of their job.
and the problem with dating musicians, i have learned, is usually they are all drunks and can't seem to hold a job. ha ha ha!
And then once I met this guy who took me to see this play about clowns. Los Angeles has some crazy people, I tell ya.
:)
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