If Brian Were Cool

an email from Brian:

What it would be like if I were cool....

1. The "Jungle room" would be "Crate and Barrel room"
2. Instead of watching the Family Guy, I would watch Desperate Housewives and The O.C.
3. I would be taller
4. Instead of drinking cans of Bud Light, I would only drink bottles of Sam Adams and Heineken
5. I would know what music you were talking about when you talk about music
6. I would shop at Whole Foods instead of Walgreen's and Jewel for my groceries
7. I would have an IPOD instead of a $10.00 walkman from Walgreen's
8. I would wear striped long sleeved shirts
9. I would use Pomade instead of some crappy cheap ass hair gel in a squeeze bottle
10. In, general, I would care more what people thought of me...

my email response back to Brian:

Let me tweak this for if you were really cool…

1. The “Jungle room” would be a “vintage/70’s-mod room”
2. You would still watch The Family Guy, or you wouldn’t watch tv at all
3. You would be taller
4. Instead of drinking Bud Light, you would drink PBR or Stella
5. You would know what kind of music I am talking about when I talk about music
6. You would shop at farmer’s markets or Whole Foods (but still buy staple products from Jewel)
7. You would have an Ipod
8. You would wear vintage shirts, with funky t-shirts underneath it…you would also wear Pumas
9. You would use pomade, your hair would be longer and hanging a bit in your eyes
10. You wouldn’t give a shit what people thought of you and people would be jealous of that quality in you


Brian's email response back:
that list makes me vomit in my mouth

Los Angeles

I'm going to Los Angeles in December! And I get to hang out with this pretty girl (and with Karla as well)!

Other wonderful things about LA: Aaron, Josh, my church family, In-N-Out Burger, sunshine, Fred 62, Amoeba Records, mexican food, and margaritas.

Morning Poetry

My mom is a writer, and a very talented one at that. Her preferred style of writing is creative non-fiction and sermons. She has never written poetry before. This morning she woke up at 5:30 and had a poem "stuck in her head". For two hours she worked on it and emailed it to me to review. I think it's beautiful.

This poem will be a wedding present to her friends Katherine and Kristin, who are getting married next summer.

Wedding Cake

A blending of sweet and spice
Surprise of salt and flavor
The texture underneath that holds
Together.

Whisk as needed for balance
Never over-powering or deflating
Leaven with time ~ extra patience required…
For this step, but worth the wait.
Fold gently

Two eggs for firmness
And oil to protect from drying
Test occasionally at the center
It should be moist but not rigorous.
Store in a safe place

Top with a hardened sweetness
For the world to know you by
While hiding the feathery center
To alone enjoy.

Sit a tiny flourish atop
~ Declaring itself boldly
Without apology ~
Sweet and soft.
For those courageous enough to taste

Now enjoy!
Rich and creamy…
Fulfilling and satisfying…
Enough for two.

Enough for two.

Your Mom's a Whore. Go F*ck Yourself.

Just cause I told Laine that this would be an awesome title for a posting.

Pearly Whites

I have a dental check-up after work today. You may be asking yourself “why is this blog-worthy?” Well, let me give you a little history…

1) I hate the dentist. I hate everything about the dentist. I hate the smell of the office. I hate the sound of the instruments. I hate the stupid, paper bib that gets strapped around my neck. I hate the dentist.
2) I have horrible teeth (it’s a genetic thing) and every time I go to the dentist I fear a very large bill and extreme physical pain. My last visit resulted in both of these and I worry that history will repeat itself (despite the brushing, flossing, and mouth wash).
3) At my last check-up, my dentist asked me out on a date. We went out a couple of times and then we just never really spoke again. We didn’t leave on bad terms, per say, but I also haven’t spoken to him in about 4 months. I really hope he isn’t angry about this and if he is angry, I hope he doesn’t take it out on my gums.

This could get very awkward.

Katrina Photos

These were taken in Alabama of Katrina as it was "coming in".

Uncle Wayne

My uncle just passed away. How very sad.

I would like to make a prayer request for his children, Jennifer and Thane. As I can only imagine how difficult it must be to lose a parent.

Thinking Theologically

I recently started taking a class titled “Living the Questions”. It meets once a week for a little over 2 hours and is taught by a panel of professors from Garrett Seminary. I was preparing for next week’s class and was fascinated by the reading, which was about the two stories of creation in the book of Genesis. The first story’s authors have been dubbed the “Priestly” writers; their emphasis is on ritual and order. The second story’s authors are called “Yahwists”; their style is much more poetic with roots in an older folk-story style of writing.
The following is an excerpt discussing the 2nd creation story, and the literary creativity that the Yahwists exhibited.

“One of the Yahwist’s many wordplays that is lost in the translation from Hebrew is in the creation of the first human being. In order for the ground to be tilled, God formed the farmer, “ha adam”, which means “the earth creature” in Hebrew. “Earth” or ground in Hebrew is “adamah.” So, ha adam was formed from the adamah – words that take on a poetic flair when chanted in Hebrew. The character we call “Adam” is unnamed. English translators dropped the “ha” (the definite article) and capitalized “adam” (a plural noun) and gave us Adam.”

I think this class is absolutely fascinating.

The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, mix it with tequila and you'll be stoned medicine

These were the interesting points to last night:
1) Laine drugged/drunk dialed me at 7pm. Nyquil + margaritas = hilarious.
2) Laine and I read off old messages from our high school yearbooks.
3) Laine’s best message was from her math teacher who wrote the following “ring me sometime…my home number is 352-8673”
4) My best message was from Chuck Munyon who wrote “Never turn to the dark side for the power of evil feeds only upon itself. Also, have a good year.”
5) I baked cookies.
6) I was pissed, and then I remembered that I don’t care, and then I wasn’t pissed anymore. Still, friends are sacred to me and there is such a thing as common courtesy.

Survivor

I survived the weekend. This is partially due to this morning's cancelled (yet again!) skydiving jump. I woke up really early, missed church, rode-tripped with a bunch of hungover/still-a-little-drunk guys, and took a class on how to pull a rip cord. 12 minutes before my flight takes off, they cancel the rest of the jumps due to low cloud coverage.
This is the second time this has happened and I am starting to get frustrated.

Another reason I survived the weekend is due to some incredible patience on one person's part. I hate being wrong. Everyone who knows me, knows this about me. And I will argue until the wee hours of the morning, if it means that I don't have to admit that there is a slight possibility that I could be wrong. This is only a noble characteristic if the argument involves women's rights, Dubya-bashing, or baby seals.
This is not a noble characteristic if it involves Jamie Foxx.

I think by the age of 28 we all become survivors in some way or another. We survive hurricanes, car accidents, and broken hearts. The degree in which we survive shows in whether we are willing to continue living in Houston, offer to drive out to Evanston, or attempt (yet again) to find love.

But even I will admit that jumping out of plane sounds like the easiest to survive. Although, if you ask Mark...he would probably disagree.

My Nightmare

Just when I thought I had gotten past all of that, it shows up again in my dreams. The screaming fight at 2 in the morning. The slamming of the door. The not coming home. And it seemed so freakin’ real. I woke up at 4am, feeling like shit, and afraid of falling back asleep.

There was so much talking, and revealing, that it bubbled right back up to the surface.

I don’t know how to let this go.

I wish he would stop emailing me.

Hurricane Rita

Some telling signs as to how most people in Houston are preparing for Hurricane Rita:
1) All grocery stores have sold out of bread and water
2) Home Depot has sold out of plywood
3) Menards has sold out of sheet metal

Telling signs as to how my best friend, Laine, is preparing for Hurricane Rita:
1) She has sent out invites for her “Hurricanes and ‘Ritas” party. She will only be serving hurricanes and marga’ritas.

I love my friends.

She Fell to the Floor Without Making a Sound

Josh – Did you honestly think I would actually pass up Ian Moore? Hell, I didn’t even believe that last posting.

I took Brian’s advice and tweaked it into my own 3 step recovery program.
1. Drink a beer or two
2. Talk only with Laine and only talk about the really important things
2. Take lots of deep, gulping breaths as you belt out Nirvana on the car ride to The Abbey Pub

And to my surprise, who should grace my presence a quarter of the way into Ian’s set? Mike Birch himself. He wasn’t “sick (or something)” he was at a conference, which might be just as bad. Either way, Mike and I just leaned back and soaked in the remaining 2 hours of Ian’s set. Incredible.

Get Off My Back

Seriously, enough with the questions. Enough with the words of wisdom. Enough with the "I just want you to think about...". Enough.
I'm done. I am unplugging the phone and the email.

I've earned this trust, so give it to me already.

And i have decided to not go to Ian Moore tonight. Do i have a ticket already? Yes. But Mike is sick (or something), the pain in my hamstring has travelled to my back, i'm tired, and i am just frustrated as hell.

grrrrr.....

I just ranted/vented to Brian for 20 minutes and his advice was the following:
1) have a cider or 17
2) not talk to people
3) take lots of deep breaths

Is This Thing On??

Sunday night we went to an open mic at The Bucktown Pub. It was so difficult to get into my car. I could have easily stood in the street for another hour or two.

Will I ever tell him what I said in French? If I could remember it, perhaps I would.

Bar-Ba-Chew

We had a meeting of the minds and all agreed that Beth can no longer be in charge of invitations.

Starting Off on the Right Foot

Club Foot on a Saturday night. (And now he can't claim that there aren't photos of me on my blog.)

Hide and Seek

I know he reads this blog but here goes anyway:

Wednesday night was a lot of fun. We hung out at The Hideout and saw the band What Made Milwaukee Famous. (Which is a great band and I would recommend to my readers that they check them out. And Laine, tell “good hair” he should check them out too.)

He made me laugh, a lot.
He made me blush, a lot.
He claimed to be over 8 feet tall, which still makes me smile when I think about it, but he is more like 6’3”.
He made a list of Best Fucking Music Ever.
He made another list of Best Fucking Movies Ever.
He let me steal both lists.
He upheld his end of many great conversations.
He walked me to my car.
He emailed me at 5am to say good morning.

Next up: Sunday night

Gridlock

All I have done today is work on one, giant Excel spreadsheet. When I close my eyes, I see a black-lined grid.

Cardtronics is displeased.

Don't Waste the Pretty

Over the past 6 months I have had at least 10 girlfriends recommend the book “He’s Just Not That Into You”. I finally went out and bought the book and finished reading it in about 24 hours. It’s a good book and normally I would recommend it to other female friends of mine, but I was thinking last night, the people who should really be reading this book are the guys out there. Most women have already read the book. I am behind the times because I just bought my copy two weeks ago. I am the last of my single girlfriends to read this book.

And I am telling you guys, this book is very specific about what behavior a woman should accept from a guy. And I know my girlfriends, including myself, are following this book’s advice. Here are some helpful hints for the guys, because if you like the girl and make one of these mistakes she will write you off as not interested.

1) “Don’t waste the pretty” if he says “e-mail me”
2) “Don’t waste the pretty” if he says “we should hang out sometime”
3) “Don’t waste the pretty” if he says “let’s meet up at….”
4) “Don’t waste the pretty” if he doesn’t call you right away
5) “Don’t waste the pretty” if he doesn’t ask you a lot of questions


There are sections in this book titled “This is what it should look like” and it spells out exactly what the guy should do in order for you to give him the opportunity to date you (these are the words from the book).

For instance, the guy should approach you, strike up interesting conversation, ask lots of questions about you, ask for your phone number, ask your first and last name, ask you out on a date (Will you go out on a date with me? not We should hang out sometime), pick you up for the date, pay for the date, and finish the date by asking you out on another date.

And in between those moments there should be the occasional text message, bouquet of flowers, compliment, flattering email, etc. He may even go out and read your favorite book or watch your favorite movie, in order to have a conversation with you about it.

Seriously guys, the bar has been raised high on your behalf. I would recommend you read this book if you plan on dating any ladies in the near future.

Alive and Wired

Great news, everyone! Murry’s band, the Old 97s, has a live album coming out, titled “Alive and Wired”. It is available for purchase on Tuesday, September 20th. Support my friends, buy their tunes!!

Here’s how fast this all went down:
Back in June, when they were doing a gig at Park West, Murry and I met up for coffee after soundcheck. He mentioned they had recorded some live stuff a couple weeks prior, at a gig in Texas. Then when Murry came through in July, filming part of The Break-Up and performing at Rock Around the Block, he told me then that all the guys were able to agree on 6 songs to cut in order to come up with a 30 song, double-disc live album. Now it’s September and the album is being released.

I can’t believe how quickly they turned this album out. Especially since they have been touring non-stop all summer long.

Anyways, go out and get this album. It’s good rocker-billy tunes that will have you tappin’ your foot for hours.

Still no word when Murry’s coming back through, but I promise to keep you all posted. I do know that Rhett is doing a solo gig at The Abbey Pub in a couple of weeks. Is anyone up for joining me in even more live music?

Heart Attack

I recently found out that one of my good, male friends has never heard of Massive Attack. I will give you all a minute to digest that, as it took me time to come to terms with it as well.

So here's some advice to all my male readers: if you really want to set the mood and impress a chick...PLAY MASSIVE ATTACK. If you don't know which album to begin with, I would recommend Mezzanine.

You can all thank me later.

That's a Wrap!

Film Reviews

Alfie (2004): I am sure the original version of this film is much better than this remake. The best part of this film is the costume/hair/make-up design. It’s reminiscent of a 70’s/Mary Tyler Moore era. I love the thick black eyeliner and bright, poppy-orange pea coats. But, as some filmmakers are already aware, it’s a difficult task having your protagonist double as the antagonist. Perhaps if I had seen this film a year ago, I would have enjoyed it more, but Jude’s life imitates his art and I struggle with sympathizing with a womanizer. Besides, it’s hard to feel for someone who is that good-looking. Pass this one up.

Annie Hall: I love this movie. It’s funny, it’s sharp, and it’s right on the money. Woody Allen was right, “I need the eggs”. Watch this and fall in love with the neurotic characters.

Broken Flowers: I wanted to like this movie, I really did. But it fell short in many areas. I wasn’t impressed with the 30 second “commercials” of random driving, that were scattered about the film. The ending seemed incomplete and lazy. And the attempts of artistic lighting were forced and predictable. Pass this one up, folks. Watch Lost in Translation instead, it’s a much better film.

Fog of War: This is an incredible documentary about Robert McNamara’s 11 Lessons of War. The audio commentary, along with the video footage of the Vietnam War, gave the viewer a unique perspective into the decision-making process of politicians. It’s also interesting (or scary) to see history repeat itself. Rent this documentary. It’s amazing.

Leftovers from the Weekend

Friday night I watched a two hour special on Drum and Bugle Corps. It was actually really interesting and reminded me of my days in the high school marching band. Freshman year I was able to march with Ankeny High School marching band, which was an incredible experience. It is as close to the military as I think I will ever get. There were at least 3 hours of marching every day, with Brizzi yelling through his megaphone. It was hot and grueling, but we won every competition. We even won the competitions in Canada.

Then I moved to Grinnell and Angie and I made instant enemies the first day of school. Mr. Newport, the band instructor, had heard early on that Angie and I were coming to attend Grinnell High School. He also knew we had marched with Ankeny. So the first day of band practice he made the entire band line up along the sideline and pulled Angie onto the field with him. Then he told Angie to show everyone how to march. With every step she took, her list of enemies increased.

I tried out for the Colorguard team and made instant enemies too. There were some people on the squad who had put in a few more years than I and it had been assumed that they would be made captain and co-captain. First day of try-outs, Newport asks me to show the squad how to do flag tosses. Then he had me show them how to hold posture while marching. Then he appointed me Captain.

My first year at Grinnell sucked. So did Angie’s.

But I love Drum and Bugle Corps and I loved marching with Ankeny.

Also, Laine’s birthday was Saturday! I wish I could have been in Houston to celebrate. Nothing says “Birthday” like a bucket of margaritas. Happy Birthday, Love! I miss you.



And then it was 9/11. Yesterday, I watched the two towers burn and collapse and then miraculously re-erect themselves just to burn and collapse again. After awhile your body and heart become numb, as some sort of defense mechanism. I thought about John Cleary. I thought about John's wife and kids. I thought about the phone call he made to his wife that morning. I thought about how relieved she must have felt knowing it was the other tower. I thought about how awful it must have felt waiting for a second phone call. I thought about how devastating it must have felt to have never received that call.

I imagined how yesterday would have felt if it would have been my dad there on business. How different the entire day would have been, if it was Jerry who had travelled to New York.

Everyone has a 9/11 story. Everyone has some tie, even if just a weak one, that attaches them to the event. This is my story and John is my tie.

Bits and Pieces

We celebrated Sarah's birthday on Saturday night. The evening began when Andera, Ashley, Aileen, Sarah and I met at Piece in Wicker Park. We then headed to Subterranean to watch Mano rock out with The Sleepers. And then off we went to Estelle's where we fought off sleep with some beer.
**When these photos were taken, exactly none of these women were filled with rage.**


Speaking of The Sleepers, if you haven't checked out their music, you should.



Just look at that fringe fly. Beautiful.

Strange But True

I can eat an entire vegetarian burrito, from Chipotle, in one sitting.
I know all of the lyrics to “Senorita” by Justin Timberlake.
I promised Brian in mid-July that I would be a good girl, and I have kept my promise.
I floss every day.
I enjoy balancing my checkbook.
I love the cereal aisle at the grocery store.
I drink a glass of skim milk with dinner every day.
I will not get into a serious relationship with someone, if they aren’t at least 6 feet tall.
I have been bite 11 times by dogs.
I once fed my baby brother, Lance, a bottle and a half of baby aspirin.

A Meeting with The Bobs

I am the type of person who works best when there is a plan. I like structure. I like knowing that after “A” comes “B” and after “B” comes “C”. It has been theorized that this is due to my being a middle child, or my being a product of divorced parents, or because I was raised by 2 people who are both extremely structured, but for whatever reason, I stress out immensely when I feel things are slipping out of my control.

The irony is that for someone who functions best in a controlled environment I have a serious tendency to throw myself into situations that are completely chaotic and random. I move across the country on a month’s notice. I switch jobs about every year. Heck, I even allow myself to be put into a situation where it’s 3am and I have to ask myself “Ok, now where am I going to sleep?”

But that is a discussion for a different posting, so I digress…

I have a meeting with my boss at 2pm today. It’s a very important meeting. It’s a follow-up meeting to a very important meeting we had 2 months ago. I have no idea how the meeting will go and the uncertainty is stressing me out. I have rehearsed what I am going to say and I have considered the thousands of different possibilities of what she might say, but in the back of my mind I fully understand that I do not know what is going to happen at 2pm today.

I am stressed.

Today is going to be a long day.

Letters

It’s time I just lay this on the table. I’ve been thinking things over for the past week and I now have my response.

Dear Mr. President;

I would like to address my concerns, in regards to your slow response in aiding the victims of Hurricane Katrina. I wouldn’t be as upset as I am if I hadn’t seen some of your quick work in the past. For instance, it wasn’t that long ago that you and members of Congress stayed up all night to form and propose a bill that would extend the life of one woman, who had been declared brain dead for many years. Due to your religious convictions, you felt strong enough to sacrifice your personal life in order to put forth an effort to help one woman. I use the word help loosely here, as I didn’t agree with your decision on this issue, but the point is that you moved very fast for one woman. One woman.

We have hundreds of thousands of people that are displaced from their home right now. They are starving, dehydrated, sick, and scared. I ask you, Mr. President, if that were your child sleeping in the filth of the shelters, how long would you have hesitated to take action? If that were your brother wading through toxic waters, how long would you have waited to give him a drink of water?

I know that you pride yourself on being a God-fearing man. You are one of the few Presidents that have made your religious beliefs so public. I am aware, as is the rest of the world, that you pray nightly, participate in a weekly Bible study, and attempt to govern this nation with God’s will in mind. So I direct you, sir, to The Bible. Perhaps by revisiting some passages, you will again be reminded as to how we are called to behave as children of God.

In the book of Romans, The Apostle Paul writes to the people of Rome apologizing for not visiting sooner. Paul wants them to know that he hasn’t forgotten about them, prays about them daily, and hopes that this letter will give them some guidance until he is able to come speak to them in person.

I hope that by reviewing these passages, Mr. President, you will see the victims of Hurricane Katrina for more than just their skin color or their economic status. And with this new view, I pray that you will be inspired to move faster. They need you to pick up the pace, Mr. President.


Romans 9:25
I will call them my people, who are not my people. And I will call her my loved one, who is not my loved one.

Romans 12:4-5
Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body and each member belongs to all the others.

Romans 12: 9-10, 13
Love must be sincere. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Romans 13: 9-10
…whatever other commandments there may be, are summed up in this one rule “love your neighbor as yourself”. Love does no harm to its neighbor.


I appreciate you taking the time to hear my concerns. I look forward to seeing your quickened response.

Sincerely,
Olivia

Chicago Children's Museum

Gavin got to play dress up at the Children's Museum.

Squeaky Clean

The Newest Addition

Max and I became the best of friends this weekend.

The Heart of it All

Gavin came to visit me this weekend. We played in the park all day Saturday.