check yes or no (or maybe)

I got passed a note over lunch. It’s handwritten. It’s from last Friday. It’s by Billy. This is what it says (verbatim):

Dear Blog,

I usually have better handwriting than this, but I am both drunk and riding in a car. Hopefully, proper grammar will suffice.
I thought I saw a wo…man, but it actually a woman.
Right now I’m thinking that maybe I should be doing something meaningful in my life, (ie working out or reading) but instead I have decided to drink rum and coke out of a GNC protein drink shaker.
Currently I am impersonating a “Hey” family member in an official “Hey Family Reunion” t-shirt. I hope that Brian whiffs @ every pitch and Prop sucks so that I can get back home to drink from a normal cup.
Anyway, I’ve found that there are little things in life that bring me as much joy as drinking, running naked, air conditioning, soccer, rugby, and did I mention drinking.
Olivia, I’m happy that you have finally moved to E-town and maybe you can find happiness in our little town. The antique doorknobs are to die for. I will return after the softball game to my useful and jerky interactions.
P.S. Have you ever realized that abbreviations are really jerky…like we have better thing to do then write full words?