Conversation

I met up with my pastor last night for dinner at Bad Dog Tavern. I've been wrestling with the idea of joining Holy Covenant Church, the church I've been attending off-and-on for 4 years and regularly for the past year.
The reason why there was some wrestling with this decision is because I have only ever been a member of a Disciples of Christ church and Holy Covenant is a Methodist church. I wasn't sure if it was ok to join a Methodist church if a large part of me will probably always consider myself to be a DOC.

I was really glad to have had a chance to speak with Pastor Trey about this. I was surprised by how grateful he was to hear that I had been thinking on this for awhile. He said some people join churches and then rarely ever attend or when called to help, rarely show up. He appreciated that I was taking the decision seriously. He also felt that in today's culture it's common to have multi-demoninational experiences and that it makes sense that one's faith could be a jumble of many different traditions. So he was not only fine with me joining, he was excited about it!

He asked if there was some other reason why I might be hesitant; he had picked up on my worry that I might not be wanted at the church. I hadn't realized it but something that happened to be years prior was probably playing a big role in why I was so concerned about joining the church. So I told him what happened. That after attending the church a couple of times, that a woman emailed me and asked me "to find my own church". Basically, I was asked to never come back to Holy Covenant.

Trey was shocked. I told him I don't want to make a lot of drama about the whole thing and I'm not angry anymore about it; actually it's become sort of a joke in my family that someone on a church's welcoming committee had specifically asked me not to come back. That would only happen to me.

Trey said he had about 4 ideas on who could have said something like that but he respected my choice not to volunteer that person's name. But he did say that a person who would go out of their way to say something like is probably "mentally ill" and that her opinion is not his opinion or the opinion of the church. I told him I hadn't realized that a part of me was still hurt by that and that it probably was a reason why I was so worried about joining. I guess a part of me still worried that I wasn't "wanted" at the church.

To make a long story short, it was so great talking with Trey last night. He and I had a good time conversing about lots of different topics. He each shared personal stories with each other and I feel a stronger friendship with him.

Also, I brought up another moment that I shared with him a couple of years back...where I cried at church and looked to him for help. It was definitely not my strongest day and I am embarrassed now on how that whole thing went down. I had been worried, this past year, that Trey didn't like me or that maybe he thought I was a drama queen. When I told Trey about that, he sorta looked down and said "Olivia, I'm so sorry to say this...but a lot of people cry at church. Almost every week someone is crying as the walk out the door. Church is a very moving experience and often times people are most vulnerable when they're surrounded by God's love. So, I'm sorry...but I don't remember you crying."

What a relief! Cause I didn't want him to think that that was a typical Olivia experience!

So I left dinner feeling wonderful. Feeling empowered. Feeling God's presence in my life, at that dinner table, during that conversation. It felt good. And I plan on joining Holy Covenant Church in mid-November.